Hey MAA, I hope you don't mind me making this comment (not directed at anyone in particular) about a general trend I'm observing in the comments: I really want people to understand that what S is doing is more than just ~gossip~ -- it's slander. It's illegal. It's a criminal offense.
She's not just talking crap behind MAA's back She's actively, enthusiastically spreading the baseless rumor that MAA is a spy, and this has caused demonstrable harm to MAA's reputation. If MAA were to sue S about this, MAA would likely win, because of that demonstrated damage (and we don't even know yet how far this rumor has spread & how much damage has actually been done). That's how serious this behavior is.
So it's really concerning, that so many people are writing this off as ~just drama~ that MAA should ignore or forget about. That attitude of passivity & confrontation-avoidance is what enables people like S to ruin innocent people's lives. If it were happening to you, you wouldn't want all your friends telling you to just let it go, would you? No. You would want someone to stand up for you. That's what MAA is inspiring people to do, with this post.
If being asked to be an Upstander makes you uncomfortable, ask yourself -- honestly -- if you're triggered because you know that you're failing to show up for your own maligned friends.
While I realize it is tempting to speculate regarding the identity of S, I ask that you resist the temptation to do so in the comments as I do not want innocent individuals to get caught in the cross-fire, nor do I want S’s identity to become evident by the process of elimination were I to defend the innocent. If you know her identity or have been whispered to yourself, feel free to contact me privately by responding to this or any of my other newsletters via email.
Just to put it out there - why hide the identity? I don't understand Surely this is how we get to the bottom of things. As long as S has as much opportunity to give her side as anyone else, then the identify should be aired. Why are you hiding it? You see this is how we harbor sociopathy by giving people a pass when they need to come clean. They already try the silent treatment which is one rung below violence in my estimation. It completely negates another and it is more of a pandemic than any virus. People do it all day till Sunday these days. It happens to me constantly. In this day and age of instant information flow, there is no reason to not respond, even a quick email saying one is busy and can't engage at this time. The way we build a new world is to live in the open and everyone can have their say. When we hide identities, it actually gives people who do that sort of thing, a lot of advantages over ourselves who are honest and open and don't want drama. I anticipate you may defend keeping the name secret but I would like an explanation as to why if you would.
Good question, denise, and I appreciate your concerns and insights.
The decision to keep S unnamed derived from several factors:
1) One of the aims of this post is to defuse drama. Whisper campaigns rely on secrecy, so exposing the evidence of her duplicitous behavior to the sunlight should put an end to those efforts. If I had named her, it would stir up the very drama I was trying to dissipate and would launch the “public war” she referenced in her email. This could have a divisive, fissuring affect on the medical freedom movement, which I am trying to strengthen rather than splinter.
2) She is already going to take this post as an attack, even though I tried to approach it as gently and compassionately as possible. Naming her would remove the olive branch I extended for reconciliation and back her into a corner, and there is no telling how she would react in that situation. Concealing her identity gives her an opportunity to reconsider and perhaps take steps toward healing.
3) As far as I know, I am the only one she has targeted, and I don’t believe she is a danger to others (except maybe Alicen and Mickey, who have taken that calculated risk). She is a good researcher and writer and has the potential to continue contributing to our shared goals if she can move beyond her paranoid delusions and irrational obsession with me.
That said, if it does appear she is more dangerous than anticipated and she decides to escalate her campaign, it may become necessary to name her, but I wanted to start with the more peaceful approach in the hopes of putting a kibosh on both the whisper campaign and the passive-aggressive jabs she has been embedding in her posts.
As I stated in my email to you, this is quite unexpected. I'm glad I was able to offer some clarity and peace and I certainly don't deserve even 1/10th of the credit you give me. Thank you, MAA...may this message be received in the spirit you delivered it. 🙏
Mickey, I may never have cracked this bewildering and hurtful mystery were it not for your radical honesty and courageous integrity. Thank you for helping me transform this experience into an uplifting lesson I hope will inspire others to be upstanders. Just as I feel I have gained a little sister in Alicen, I feel like you are a big brother to me, and I look forward to enjoying the fruits of the lifelong friendship with you and Alicen that has been forged in the fiery furnace of betrayal.
Though these circumstances were distressing and hurtful to you, I'm truly inspired by how you chose to weave these events into a poetic, heartfelt, thought-provoking teaching moment for all of us. 💕 And the silver lining is that it connected us! It's been a pleasure to get to know you better & see you putting your values into action. 😊
Thank you, Alicen, for the level-headed and compassionate heroism you modeled in this real-life test of your character as well as for your warm support throughout this challenging experience. I feel like I’ve not only gained a friend but also a little sister 💞
haha, believe me, i'm trying to get the album finished but the weirdest obstacles keep coming up! i blame my Saturn-Moon transit for slowing things down 🤪 thank you for your patience — and for listening to my music 😊🙏🏽
Always be careful of anyone who “love bombs” you for a while, during the “honeymoon” phase of a budding relationship or friendship. These types soon turn on you with a coldness and vitriol that is hard to beat, not to mention confusing and wounding. You’re a good egg, MAA. I’m familiar with this type of behavior and I bet many of us are. Hang in there. Place her on ignore. Permanently. She’s ill and/or emotionally stunted.
Thank you for your supportive and insightful words, Mel. Now that I have a better understanding of the markers of HPD/NPD, I will be more alert to those signs, but I also know many authentic people have said very kind words to me early in our relationships. I wouldn’t have wanted to miss out on those meaningful connections by eyeing them with suspicion, so I am going to remain open-hearted balanced with sensitivity to red flags :-)
One reassuring thing I did learn is that my intuition was spot on both in the case of something being awry with our relationship and the fact that there was a whisper campaign occurring, so trusting my intuition armed with the additional knowledge about HPD should help protect me in future.
Yes, I agree with you to keep your heart open. The times this has happened to me, it’s not merely the kind words early on that were a red flag, but their intensity and tone I did not heed. “I’m just crazy about you!” when you’ve known them for a few short weeks. Or another line, “I am the most loyal friend you’ll ever have” when you’ve just met them recently. That is why I described it as “love bombing” which is very, very different in character and tone than just kind words spoken to you at the outset. Both of these times, it’s been women who have acted like this to me in the situation of a simple female to female friendship. But men can do it too when they are courting someone. You have good judgement. It’s just that the last few years have been intense and emotional for us all. It’s no reflection on you, what she did to you, that is for sure!
Oh my—those examples you gave (especially about being the most loyal friend) immediately triggered my yikes-get-away-fast alarm bell! 😆 So yes, I agree that kind of lovebombing is easy to detect, especially when it occurs at the outset.
It reminded me of when my husband and I did a brief foray blogging together years ago. We developed some good friendships with fellow writers, but one in particular was especially attention-demanding while simultaneously showering us with affection. There was a group of mean girls who were quite harsh to her, so we came to her defense, not having any sense of her history. I guess it’s in our nature to be upstanders 😂
It didn’t take us long to realize there were reasons people were critical of her, and it soon became clear she likely had borderline personality disorder. She went from lovebombing us to lashing out at us like a lightning bolt, completely unprovoked. I don’t even recall the details but remember feeling sideswiped by her attacks, and then all of the information she had shared about people abandoning her and past dysfunctional relationships made more sense. Once she destroyed her persona, she created a new account under a different name and started over. We were very grateful to escape her clutches after that brief but intense period.
This is weird. I conversed with someone on this platform. Seemed nice enough and I asked a question about one of her posts. I immediately got slapped with you are censoring me, telling me what to write, etc. I replied that was not what I said I was immediately blocked from her acct, my messages deleted, and what was left on my subscription was refunded.it took me time to recover. It was like your nice acquaintance turning on you. I then sat back for a couple of days, I realized she has burned through various platforms, other people have been blocked as well.She has gone quiet saying that it is too rough a place to be. I am slowly realizing that her problems are significant and it is best to simply walk away. Lesson learned.
I am not joking when I ask respectfully, the shot some of us got, could it be affecting our brains? Can it be a couple of things, social media, stress, and whatever was in that shot that is making everything seem like a constant attack? I feel like I am (humanity?) a rope being tightly twisted more and more everyday. I know I can’t be alone in this new world.
Yes. Someone I once thought was intelligent took the jibby jab, then suffered from uveitis (a listed adverse reaction), was thrown into a manic episode, kept on 72 hour hold, then lost custody of her kids, her home, and her cat. The juice is no joke.
The new social world of social media brings with it a whole new phenomenon: people make friendships, sometimes very close ones, without ever having met in the flesh. Actually, in my opinion, this is not possible at all. Since most of interpersonal communication is non-verbal.
I understand your point and agree with the importance of nonverbal communication in relationships, but consider your experience of having read books that you connected with on an especially profound level. I know my favorite books feel like cherished friends, and that feeling derives entirely from words upon a page.
I have also developed more meaningful relationships with certain individuals I’ve never met in person *because* we have been forced to convey our observations, experiences, and feelings through correspondence, and we tend to delve into deeper territory than would typically occur in social encounters with in-person friends.
That’s not to say I don’t value my in-person friendships, but I communicate far more frequently with the members of my karass (https://margaretannaalice.substack.com/p/letter-to-my-karass) who share my deepest values, and if I closed my heart to those relationships because they are not taking place in person, I would miss out on some of the most beautiful and inspiring meetings of the minds I’ve ever been privileged to enjoy.
Thank you for your response Margaret Anna Alice! I recognize that books can feel like friends. Have wanted to keep it too short to properly express what I mean. Hope to come back to it sometime.
Anyway: what a terrible experience you have described here. Much strength I wish you!
What a perplexing experience, Pbr, and I understand your bewilderment at the sudden change in personality! It sounds again like the markers of an insecure Cluster B personality type who is incapable of accepting criticism.
Regarding your question about the injection affecting the brain, Peter Breggin and Naomi Wolf discuss this very topic in the first ICIC session hosted by Reiner Fuellmich:
Dear Margaret AA. I also have dropped off your substack several months ago, but it was not due to disliking what I read there. You are a gifted writer and poet but, being on a fixed income, I have had to share my money around and lately I am very intent on putting it toward a Bobby Kennedy Presidency. I have also been just run down by the amount of information that I have been consuming and have simply had to pull back. I am not proud of this need as I see you Truth Lions out there continuing to beat the drums. But it is what I must do to keep my balance and my sanity. Do not take any of this personally. You are loved and appreciated. Keep up the good fight. :)
Dear Dariel, please don’t worry whatsoever about being unable to afford a subscription. Only 2.3 percent of my readers are paid subscribers, so there is no expectation of payment. This space is for everyone, and your being part of this community is far more important to me than financial support, although I am certainly grateful to the people who make it possible for me to do this work.
I treasure your previous comments about your own awakening process and do still intend to share those in one of my (zillions of) articles in progress—hopefully, I can find time to finish it sometime this year ;-)
This was so good and so timely for me....we had pink shirt day at the school I work at and I don't partake in the wearing of the pink shirt but I did wear a button this year that said, "I am an UPSTANDER"..... so, I had kids ask me what that word meant and then they put it on their pink shirt drawings and they ended up in the school hallways....I love this...never really heard that word before, too much, before this spring.......
Aug 22, 2023Liked by Margaret Anna Alice, Alicen Grey
There's a concept/term that's used to describe what happens in all resistance movements - "horizontal hostility". It's a common and recognizable phenomenon that appears in almost all resistance groups the more stress the resistance activists are experiencing.
The primary driving reason behind it is the simple fact of human nature. It's easier to find fault with and lash out at fellow activists even if they're fighting the same battle because they're safer to vent with and rage at than the real enemy who is formidable, appears invincible and has access to many more resources.
Effective activist groups make a point of being aware of this tendency to attack others in our kin group and to nip it in the bud. They find ways of working through the trauma that often triggers the various types of aggression and attacks that are coming from within.
I've learned that it's incredibly important to work on our own spiritual and emotional evolution as activists because this is actually a global spiritual war we're all fighting. It's the oligarchs against the rest of us and right now they're winning because they've successfully divided us, exhausted us, stolen our wealth, distracted us to the point that we're giving up hope. But I'm a firm believer that where there's life there's always hope.
And make no mistake - we ARE gloriously alive here in this moment able to witness what will be seen as a momentous turning point for our species. We get to take part in that process and that's exhilarating! How cool is that? So what if person A or B or a thousand people turn their back on you. YOU know your work is critical to this evolution! Hooray for you!
Thank you for all the work that you do Margaret and rest easy. Your tender heart will heal the moment you refocus on your work. Be at peace with who you are no matter if you have nobody willing to associate with you because you know that you're doing God's work. ❤🙏 Here's an amazing meditation that keeps me both grounded AND inspired: "Who Are You...Really? - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kUtH0DDJorM
It mystifies and saddens me that people who share the same goals and values would turn against each other when we need to harness all of our energy to focus our attacks on the philanthropaths, tyrants, and colluders.
I addressed this vulnerability in my first essay:
“The recipe is simple. Take a naturally occurring phenomenon, say a seasonal virus, and exaggerate its threat far beyond every imagining—despite exhaustive evidence to the contrary. Suppress, silence, ostracize, and demonize every individual who dares present facts that expose the false mono-narrative.
“Whip up a witches’ brew of anger, envy, and, most importantly, fear, escalating emotions to a boil so as to short-circuit our faculties of reason and logic.
“Isolate us from one another, supplant real-world interactions with virtual feuds, label nonconformists as a threat to the group, and pump the public with a disinformation campaign designed to confuse and atomize. In essence, foster a cultlike mentality that shuts down thought to guarantee assent.
“Cultivate and wield our cognitive biases—especially ingroup bias, conformity bias, and authority bias—against us in a comprehensive divide-and-conquer policy that keeps us too busy squabbling amongst ourselves to recognize and unite against those corralling us into a Matrix-like collective delusion that enables the powerful to extract our resources for their own gain.” (https://margaretannaalice.substack.com/p/a-primer-for-the-propagandized)
As to your latter point, I wholeheartedly agree that being alive and part of the Grand Awakening sweeping the planet is an exhilarating privilege, and I feel honored to be doing this work, both individually and together with people like you! 🙌
Thank you for the heads-up and so glad you appreciate Alicen’s writing! It looks fascinating, and I am looking forward to reading it.
Alicen is a truly original and creative thinker. Her article on transgenderism, for example, approaches it from a perspective I have never encountered elsewhere:
I am so sad for MAA....she is a natural empath...and having grown up with a mentally ill cousin, it
it a hard lesson to learn that some people are just not right, and not fixable...well, it takes a lot of time to learn about them, to recognize them, and to understand the best thing you can do is grey rock them...but I am so sad for all the anguish it caused her....so glad she was validated by other kind empathetic people...and look how she turned it into something valuable and shared it with us. That is so MAA.
Goodness, Duchess. That means a lot coming from you considering what a sensitive empath *you* are.
I still remember your reaction to watching the Canadian COVID Care Alliance’s “More Harm Than Good” video. You were worried about the explosive rage the deceived would feel after watching that, and I said that is a problem I would rather have than the more likelier outcome that they will never see let alone believe it (something to that effect). Sadly, my prediction turned out to be the more accurate one, although I still hold out hope for the enraged awakening phase :-)
Thank you for introducing me to the term “grey rocking.” That is precisely the technique I have been advised to practice for narcissistic abusers, stalkers, trolls, and the like, but I can’t believe I didn’t know the term for it!
Aug 21, 2023Liked by Margaret Anna Alice, Alicen Grey
First, please let me say that I began reading your excellent work on LewRockwell.com some while back. It was immediately clear that you write well, Margaret Anna Alice, and that you are of a very high moral character. So I am not surprised that you have been a success. My friend Lew doesn't repeatedly post the work of people who are not worthy of the attention of the audience he has built.
Second, although "paranoia" is a reasonable diagnosis, I think you should consider the possibility that "S" may be possessed by a demon. I mention it because I am not very good at guessing games. So {"malevolent entity"} is not exactly clear. But people who start whisper campaigns often accuse others of the very things that are most significant about themselves. And demons are known to lie, flatter, focus on ego, and attack the good people they encounter.
When I first started reading this post, I was inclined to write a simple thought like "people are going crazy because the way we are being treated is insane." But the further I read, the more guided I felt by the Holy Spirit to say, "this is demonic possession."
Jim, your first paragraph about Lew was so moving, I shared it with him (I hope that’s okay :-)
I, too, feel privileged to call Lew a friend and have him to thank perhaps more than anyone else for the growth of my readership over the past couple of years. He is doing yeoman’s service in the battle for truth.
Thanks also for your provocative analysis. I do agree there is a considerable degree of projection, although *she* believes she is coming from a place of goodness and love, and so her actions—while pernicious—are motivated by her own distorted morality. Come to think of it, that’s exactly what’s occurring with Covidians 🤔
God bless you lady. Lew is a good soul doing yeoman's work showing people the truth. Thank you for letting him see my words. God loves him and God loves you. Amen.
I was close to someone who I had been in a prayer group with. She used to make a lot of YouTube videos. About being a targeted individual. She ended up slandering me and 2 other people.
Over time, the ( most of them) viewers figured out she has a pattern of being close to someone and then dropping them & accusing them of being “ the enemy “ or an “infiltrator. “
It was painful when it happened. I cried more than once. Many people who initially shied away from me are supportive again.
I’m seeing people finally realizing how a certain Leader in the medical freedom movement community is not authentic. It’s interesting to watch. & I try not to hold it against his supporters, I just point things out that show the hypocrisy.
Thank you for relaying this excruciating experience, Rosalind. I’m sorry you had to endure that and hope sharing it here will help with whatever healing your heart has left to do 💜
Aug 22, 2023·edited Aug 22, 2023Liked by Margaret Anna Alice
Time magnifies all things. If they are good, eventually it will become too hard to hide. If they are evil, eventually they, too, will become too hard to hide.
Aug 22, 2023·edited Aug 22, 2023Liked by Margaret Anna Alice
Oh dear. Whisper Campaigns are so destructive. Isn't this the story of the human race and why we are sooooo easy to control. We have been culturally conditioned into one very very foolish behaviour. We try to believe in people (or God or anyone or anything else). The problem is in the need to believe and to "believe in" the totality of some other being, 100%. I don't believe in any one individual. I may like someone, I may respect someone, I may enjoy their mental acuity, but I would never "believe in" that person, and I would always critique every word they say no matter how much I like them. That means that I do not need to understand everything that person does, and believe everything they say, in order to keep believing in them - because I don't believe in them. They cannot let me down because they do not owe me anything.
So I read CJ Hopkins, and Robert Malone, and David Martin even though their arrogance and anger (and litigious stupidity in the case of RM) at times offends me. They offer too much valuable insight for me to blacklist them because other people suspect them of something. I take what I want from what they are saying and discard the rest. I like some of the information from all those love and light female healer types, so I take some of what they are saying on board without having to convert to their version of "love and light". I like some of what the god bothering doctors are saying, so I take from them what is important and ignore their god bothering. I enjoy most of what Brett and Heather do even though I perceive their intellectual prison, and I find myself hugely stimulated out of my current mystical lethargy by Clif High, sexist paranoid though he is. I am able to see that all these people might have some good ideas that are valuable to the growing and developing me, WITHOUT them having to take on the status of my guru or my god head. I don't own them. They don't control me.
This is where the multiple Substack whisper campaigns, not just the one involving Margaret Anna Alice, are taking us down increasingly wasteful blind alleys. I can never know if you or anyone else is controlled opposition. And frankly, it just doesn't matter as long as I take personal responsibility for my own learning and critique every single word all of you write to ensure that what I learn conforms to my prior knowledge and my personal ethical stance. Beyond that, you are free to be whatever and whoever you want to be.
This is where Americans and lots of the rest of western culture have gone seriously off the rails. Human beings are demanding gods and gurus, and then they get to demand compliance from those apparent gods and gurus. Even the paid Substack system feeds into that, with the demand that once a person has paid for a subscription they deserve a certain rate of publication and can demand a level of intellectual compliance from their new guru. After all, that's what they have paid for.
I hope you are not some kind of double agent, and I seriously doubt you are, but I don't much care either way. When you write valuable stuff (to me) I read it. I use my intuition. I like how you feel. I have banned a few verbally violent men because I don't like how they feel - even though they may have great ideas, I simply don't like them and don't want them coming at me via my computer monitor. That's my choice. You owe me nothing. And I owe you nothing.
So let's get on with fixing this horrible mess we find ourselves in - without asking for deities in godly or human form, to fix it all for us.
Thank you for this incisive comment, Christine. It echoes sentiments I have often expressed, as in my responses to the knee-jerk comments on my Noam Chomsky post in the following excerpts:
“If you are tempted to outright reject everything Chomsky (or anyone, even those you generally disagree with) has said simply because he has made other statements you find heinous, ask yourself if you are practicing a form of ideological Cancel Culture that prevents you from being able to find truth wherever it happens to exist.
“If you find yourself reaching for ad hominems, consider taking a step back and examining the content of his words quoted in this piece. Do you agree or disagree with what he said about free speech—why or why not?
“Those of us who are truth-seekers aim to rise above partisan divides and instead engage on the level of ideas, respectfully refuting them with logic, reason, and evidence if we disagree.
Aug 22, 2023Liked by Margaret Anna Alice, Alicen Grey
I'm very wary of people who come on too strong, too soon. Too friendly, too much camaraderie, too much love, too much admiration before investing the time to develop a relationship naturally.
That's different from showing a healthy respect, being gracious and even complementary.
The former sends out signals that the person doesn't have boundaries (which means you don't get to have boundaries without incurring their wrath). That's a big red flag.
The distinction between the two sets of behavior is subtle but clear once you come to recognize the patterns. Several months ago, I immediately detected it in a stranger who was flattering me in a generic way while simultaneously prying for more personal details, and my intuition about his dubious intentions turned out to be spot on.
I tend to give people I consider allies the benefit of the doubt because if they are fighting tyranny and democide, that gives them bonus points right off the bat. I don’t want to go through life being paranoid and suspicious and thus cutting myself off from potentially positive relationships, though, so I will continue to balance open-heartedness with caution when the latter appears warranted by certain signals.
Aug 22, 2023Liked by Margaret Anna Alice, Alicen Grey
(Among the many pieces of wisdom my mother imparted to me was this pearl…”your opinion of me is none of my business!”. While that has been the single hardest piece of her advice to implement in my life, the message in many ways, is helpful. When I can’t apply that to a situation, I revert to my favorite piece of wisdom from my dad…”This too shall pass”. One way or another I always make it through.) I’m so sorry this happened to you and appreciate your sharing this with us. You may not feel this, but to those of us who read your substack, you are incredibly brave. Thank you for sharing this and I believe for you that “this too has passed”.
What a humorous and helpful piece of maternal advice, JudyC! It sounds like she had a streak of Stoicism running through her :-)
And how sagacious of you to balance that out with your dad’s reminder that “This too shall pass.”
Thank you for your heartening words, JudyC. I do indeed feel this has passed, and I am grateful to my readers for helping with this cathartic process. I hope S will soon be able to feel the same, too.
Aug 22, 2023·edited Aug 24, 2023Liked by Margaret Anna Alice
Wow. This is incredible advise your mother imparted. I'm going to have to consider it deeply. Thank you.
Wishing you the best. 🙏🌹
Edit: for anyone reading this I removed personal information about my family in the next several comments. Child trauma I'm working through. The struggle to fit in and still be myself.
I’m so sorry you went through such a nightmare, Heidi. So much of who we are is driven by our inner child and our early relationships. One thing I’ve learned over the years is that being family doesn’t give them the right to be abusive. “I love you” doesn’t make abuse ok, in any relationship. If you still have any, and I mean ANY, of these people in your life, I strongly recommend you pull away from them and try to surround yourself with those who genuinely uplift and not tear down. Toxic people have no place in your life. Don’t give up, the world is full of wonderful people, and I suspect you are one of them. The hardest thing you’ll ever do is divorce yourself from their toxicity, but it will change your life. When they lose power over you, you’ll be free. Surround yourself with a new “family”. It sounds like you’re well on your way and that’s something to be very proud of. It doesn’t make you intolerant or like them to stand your ground & push back against anyone who makes you feel threatened. You have a built in defense system, developed over many years of abuse and it’s there for a reason. Trust your instincts!
(Didn’t mean to lecture but your words really moved me. I’m 70, so I’ve seen a lot of struggles over the years and I really have learned to detest toxic people. In my own life, another quote we are all familiar with has helped me immensely…”The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”) You’ve got this!
You went through a horrible experience that no one should have to deal with and managed to survive and thrive. You should be very proud of yourself…I know I am and I don’t even know you!
No one worth knowing wants a meek friend. You are right to demand respect from the people in your life and those you meet. First we have to respect and accept ourselves, and then we draw like minded people to us. I will say that the older I’ve gotten, the easier it gets to just not give a crap what other people think! I’m 70 but I remember clearly some of the angst I went through in my earlier years. At my age you realize time is short, and precious, and come to realize there’s just no time to waste on worthless people. I think one of the reasons I enjoy substacks like this one is because commentators have such great insights, both humorous and serious and I always gain something by reading the comments. We are a community!
Aug 22, 2023Liked by Margaret Anna Alice, Alicen Grey
You nailed it right at the top: “What A says about B says a lot about A and little about B.”
I have a personal mantra: It's all about me. Always.
That doesn't necessarily extend to the physical and material, but it covers the thinking, the feeling, so forth. I watch the psychopaths, the narcissists and the parasites do their thing and my mantra reminds me sometimes to stand up, sometimes to tell them to go f themselves, my response varies; that's what I mean by "about me". I choose the response. And that drops me back to "What A says...." Integrity is wholeness and that is health.
There is a big sickness, perhaps wetiko. Yes, that I see it that way is also about me. I focus on that because it's message sent <=>message received sort of thing. Clarity, clarity, clarity. Where being nice gets in the way, I might say exactly that. Once again, necessary for me, even if the Other isn't going to engage. Over the Covid era, I've left behind many so-called friends, kept a few real ones, and made new ones. Walking away is something this Hermit is good at.
Integrity, clarity, and directness—you’re talking my language.
And yes to wetiko. It’s amazing to consider that “Koyaanisqatsi” (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0085809/) was made in 1982, and yet the cultural decay it depicts looks so innocuous and innocent by today’s standards!
Hey MAA, I hope you don't mind me making this comment (not directed at anyone in particular) about a general trend I'm observing in the comments: I really want people to understand that what S is doing is more than just ~gossip~ -- it's slander. It's illegal. It's a criminal offense.
She's not just talking crap behind MAA's back She's actively, enthusiastically spreading the baseless rumor that MAA is a spy, and this has caused demonstrable harm to MAA's reputation. If MAA were to sue S about this, MAA would likely win, because of that demonstrated damage (and we don't even know yet how far this rumor has spread & how much damage has actually been done). That's how serious this behavior is.
So it's really concerning, that so many people are writing this off as ~just drama~ that MAA should ignore or forget about. That attitude of passivity & confrontation-avoidance is what enables people like S to ruin innocent people's lives. If it were happening to you, you wouldn't want all your friends telling you to just let it go, would you? No. You would want someone to stand up for you. That's what MAA is inspiring people to do, with this post.
If being asked to be an Upstander makes you uncomfortable, ask yourself -- honestly -- if you're triggered because you know that you're failing to show up for your own maligned friends.
Thank you for continuing to stand up for me, Alicen. I am so thankful to have you and Mickey in my corner 🙏
While I realize it is tempting to speculate regarding the identity of S, I ask that you resist the temptation to do so in the comments as I do not want innocent individuals to get caught in the cross-fire, nor do I want S’s identity to become evident by the process of elimination were I to defend the innocent. If you know her identity or have been whispered to yourself, feel free to contact me privately by responding to this or any of my other newsletters via email.
Just to put it out there - why hide the identity? I don't understand Surely this is how we get to the bottom of things. As long as S has as much opportunity to give her side as anyone else, then the identify should be aired. Why are you hiding it? You see this is how we harbor sociopathy by giving people a pass when they need to come clean. They already try the silent treatment which is one rung below violence in my estimation. It completely negates another and it is more of a pandemic than any virus. People do it all day till Sunday these days. It happens to me constantly. In this day and age of instant information flow, there is no reason to not respond, even a quick email saying one is busy and can't engage at this time. The way we build a new world is to live in the open and everyone can have their say. When we hide identities, it actually gives people who do that sort of thing, a lot of advantages over ourselves who are honest and open and don't want drama. I anticipate you may defend keeping the name secret but I would like an explanation as to why if you would.
Good question, denise, and I appreciate your concerns and insights.
The decision to keep S unnamed derived from several factors:
1) One of the aims of this post is to defuse drama. Whisper campaigns rely on secrecy, so exposing the evidence of her duplicitous behavior to the sunlight should put an end to those efforts. If I had named her, it would stir up the very drama I was trying to dissipate and would launch the “public war” she referenced in her email. This could have a divisive, fissuring affect on the medical freedom movement, which I am trying to strengthen rather than splinter.
2) She is already going to take this post as an attack, even though I tried to approach it as gently and compassionately as possible. Naming her would remove the olive branch I extended for reconciliation and back her into a corner, and there is no telling how she would react in that situation. Concealing her identity gives her an opportunity to reconsider and perhaps take steps toward healing.
3) As far as I know, I am the only one she has targeted, and I don’t believe she is a danger to others (except maybe Alicen and Mickey, who have taken that calculated risk). She is a good researcher and writer and has the potential to continue contributing to our shared goals if she can move beyond her paranoid delusions and irrational obsession with me.
That said, if it does appear she is more dangerous than anticipated and she decides to escalate her campaign, it may become necessary to name her, but I wanted to start with the more peaceful approach in the hopes of putting a kibosh on both the whisper campaign and the passive-aggressive jabs she has been embedding in her posts.
As I stated in my email to you, this is quite unexpected. I'm glad I was able to offer some clarity and peace and I certainly don't deserve even 1/10th of the credit you give me. Thank you, MAA...may this message be received in the spirit you delivered it. 🙏
Mickey, I may never have cracked this bewildering and hurtful mystery were it not for your radical honesty and courageous integrity. Thank you for helping me transform this experience into an uplifting lesson I hope will inspire others to be upstanders. Just as I feel I have gained a little sister in Alicen, I feel like you are a big brother to me, and I look forward to enjoying the fruits of the lifelong friendship with you and Alicen that has been forged in the fiery furnace of betrayal.
😭
🤗
Though these circumstances were distressing and hurtful to you, I'm truly inspired by how you chose to weave these events into a poetic, heartfelt, thought-provoking teaching moment for all of us. 💕 And the silver lining is that it connected us! It's been a pleasure to get to know you better & see you putting your values into action. 😊
Thank you, Alicen, for the level-headed and compassionate heroism you modeled in this real-life test of your character as well as for your warm support throughout this challenging experience. I feel like I’ve not only gained a friend but also a little sister 💞
hey Alicen when can we expect the new album? love your work
haha, believe me, i'm trying to get the album finished but the weirdest obstacles keep coming up! i blame my Saturn-Moon transit for slowing things down 🤪 thank you for your patience — and for listening to my music 😊🙏🏽
i hear you! adrienne elise has been on top of the crazy transits lately https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W2uwem1PLYY
Always be careful of anyone who “love bombs” you for a while, during the “honeymoon” phase of a budding relationship or friendship. These types soon turn on you with a coldness and vitriol that is hard to beat, not to mention confusing and wounding. You’re a good egg, MAA. I’m familiar with this type of behavior and I bet many of us are. Hang in there. Place her on ignore. Permanently. She’s ill and/or emotionally stunted.
Thank you for your supportive and insightful words, Mel. Now that I have a better understanding of the markers of HPD/NPD, I will be more alert to those signs, but I also know many authentic people have said very kind words to me early in our relationships. I wouldn’t have wanted to miss out on those meaningful connections by eyeing them with suspicion, so I am going to remain open-hearted balanced with sensitivity to red flags :-)
One reassuring thing I did learn is that my intuition was spot on both in the case of something being awry with our relationship and the fact that there was a whisper campaign occurring, so trusting my intuition armed with the additional knowledge about HPD should help protect me in future.
Yes, I agree with you to keep your heart open. The times this has happened to me, it’s not merely the kind words early on that were a red flag, but their intensity and tone I did not heed. “I’m just crazy about you!” when you’ve known them for a few short weeks. Or another line, “I am the most loyal friend you’ll ever have” when you’ve just met them recently. That is why I described it as “love bombing” which is very, very different in character and tone than just kind words spoken to you at the outset. Both of these times, it’s been women who have acted like this to me in the situation of a simple female to female friendship. But men can do it too when they are courting someone. You have good judgement. It’s just that the last few years have been intense and emotional for us all. It’s no reflection on you, what she did to you, that is for sure!
Oh my—those examples you gave (especially about being the most loyal friend) immediately triggered my yikes-get-away-fast alarm bell! 😆 So yes, I agree that kind of lovebombing is easy to detect, especially when it occurs at the outset.
It reminded me of when my husband and I did a brief foray blogging together years ago. We developed some good friendships with fellow writers, but one in particular was especially attention-demanding while simultaneously showering us with affection. There was a group of mean girls who were quite harsh to her, so we came to her defense, not having any sense of her history. I guess it’s in our nature to be upstanders 😂
It didn’t take us long to realize there were reasons people were critical of her, and it soon became clear she likely had borderline personality disorder. She went from lovebombing us to lashing out at us like a lightning bolt, completely unprovoked. I don’t even recall the details but remember feeling sideswiped by her attacks, and then all of the information she had shared about people abandoning her and past dysfunctional relationships made more sense. Once she destroyed her persona, she created a new account under a different name and started over. We were very grateful to escape her clutches after that brief but intense period.
This is weird. I conversed with someone on this platform. Seemed nice enough and I asked a question about one of her posts. I immediately got slapped with you are censoring me, telling me what to write, etc. I replied that was not what I said I was immediately blocked from her acct, my messages deleted, and what was left on my subscription was refunded.it took me time to recover. It was like your nice acquaintance turning on you. I then sat back for a couple of days, I realized she has burned through various platforms, other people have been blocked as well.She has gone quiet saying that it is too rough a place to be. I am slowly realizing that her problems are significant and it is best to simply walk away. Lesson learned.
I am not joking when I ask respectfully, the shot some of us got, could it be affecting our brains? Can it be a couple of things, social media, stress, and whatever was in that shot that is making everything seem like a constant attack? I feel like I am (humanity?) a rope being tightly twisted more and more everyday. I know I can’t be alone in this new world.
Yes. Someone I once thought was intelligent took the jibby jab, then suffered from uveitis (a listed adverse reaction), was thrown into a manic episode, kept on 72 hour hold, then lost custody of her kids, her home, and her cat. The juice is no joke.
Goodness gracious!
Mmm hmm.
Dr. William Makis has cited some really bizarre reactions. I'm not sure you can see his articles unless you are a paid subscriber, but here's the link. He is doing great work! https://makismd.substack.com/p/depression-psychosis-and-suicide
His work frequently appears on Global Research.
The new social world of social media brings with it a whole new phenomenon: people make friendships, sometimes very close ones, without ever having met in the flesh. Actually, in my opinion, this is not possible at all. Since most of interpersonal communication is non-verbal.
I understand your point and agree with the importance of nonverbal communication in relationships, but consider your experience of having read books that you connected with on an especially profound level. I know my favorite books feel like cherished friends, and that feeling derives entirely from words upon a page.
I have also developed more meaningful relationships with certain individuals I’ve never met in person *because* we have been forced to convey our observations, experiences, and feelings through correspondence, and we tend to delve into deeper territory than would typically occur in social encounters with in-person friends.
That’s not to say I don’t value my in-person friendships, but I communicate far more frequently with the members of my karass (https://margaretannaalice.substack.com/p/letter-to-my-karass) who share my deepest values, and if I closed my heart to those relationships because they are not taking place in person, I would miss out on some of the most beautiful and inspiring meetings of the minds I’ve ever been privileged to enjoy.
Thank you for your response Margaret Anna Alice! I recognize that books can feel like friends. Have wanted to keep it too short to properly express what I mean. Hope to come back to it sometime.
Anyway: what a terrible experience you have described here. Much strength I wish you!
🙏🤗
What a perplexing experience, Pbr, and I understand your bewilderment at the sudden change in personality! It sounds again like the markers of an insecure Cluster B personality type who is incapable of accepting criticism.
Regarding your question about the injection affecting the brain, Peter Breggin and Naomi Wolf discuss this very topic in the first ICIC session hosted by Reiner Fuellmich:
• https://www.bitchute.com/video/ti51Gsd6bHwJ/
Dear Margaret AA. I also have dropped off your substack several months ago, but it was not due to disliking what I read there. You are a gifted writer and poet but, being on a fixed income, I have had to share my money around and lately I am very intent on putting it toward a Bobby Kennedy Presidency. I have also been just run down by the amount of information that I have been consuming and have simply had to pull back. I am not proud of this need as I see you Truth Lions out there continuing to beat the drums. But it is what I must do to keep my balance and my sanity. Do not take any of this personally. You are loved and appreciated. Keep up the good fight. :)
Dear Dariel, please don’t worry whatsoever about being unable to afford a subscription. Only 2.3 percent of my readers are paid subscribers, so there is no expectation of payment. This space is for everyone, and your being part of this community is far more important to me than financial support, although I am certainly grateful to the people who make it possible for me to do this work.
I treasure your previous comments about your own awakening process and do still intend to share those in one of my (zillions of) articles in progress—hopefully, I can find time to finish it sometime this year ;-)
same
This was so good and so timely for me....we had pink shirt day at the school I work at and I don't partake in the wearing of the pink shirt but I did wear a button this year that said, "I am an UPSTANDER"..... so, I had kids ask me what that word meant and then they put it on their pink shirt drawings and they ended up in the school hallways....I love this...never really heard that word before, too much, before this spring.......
This lifted my heart, StellaMaris, and I am delighted to hear you not only know the meaning of “upstander” but have also put it into practice! 💓
Thank you....I am in good company and it's really an honour to be here on your substack..... ❤
There's a concept/term that's used to describe what happens in all resistance movements - "horizontal hostility". It's a common and recognizable phenomenon that appears in almost all resistance groups the more stress the resistance activists are experiencing.
The primary driving reason behind it is the simple fact of human nature. It's easier to find fault with and lash out at fellow activists even if they're fighting the same battle because they're safer to vent with and rage at than the real enemy who is formidable, appears invincible and has access to many more resources.
Effective activist groups make a point of being aware of this tendency to attack others in our kin group and to nip it in the bud. They find ways of working through the trauma that often triggers the various types of aggression and attacks that are coming from within.
I've learned that it's incredibly important to work on our own spiritual and emotional evolution as activists because this is actually a global spiritual war we're all fighting. It's the oligarchs against the rest of us and right now they're winning because they've successfully divided us, exhausted us, stolen our wealth, distracted us to the point that we're giving up hope. But I'm a firm believer that where there's life there's always hope.
And make no mistake - we ARE gloriously alive here in this moment able to witness what will be seen as a momentous turning point for our species. We get to take part in that process and that's exhilarating! How cool is that? So what if person A or B or a thousand people turn their back on you. YOU know your work is critical to this evolution! Hooray for you!
Thank you for all the work that you do Margaret and rest easy. Your tender heart will heal the moment you refocus on your work. Be at peace with who you are no matter if you have nobody willing to associate with you because you know that you're doing God's work. ❤🙏 Here's an amazing meditation that keeps me both grounded AND inspired: "Who Are You...Really? - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kUtH0DDJorM
“Horizontal hostility” is a very helpful term—thank you for this penetrating comment, Signme Uplease!
I know Mickey has frequently addressed this topic at his Stack based on his decades spent in activist communities (this mini-episode comes to mind: https://mickeyz.substack.com/p/post-woke-90-this-podcast-is-a-psyop#details).
It mystifies and saddens me that people who share the same goals and values would turn against each other when we need to harness all of our energy to focus our attacks on the philanthropaths, tyrants, and colluders.
I addressed this vulnerability in my first essay:
“The recipe is simple. Take a naturally occurring phenomenon, say a seasonal virus, and exaggerate its threat far beyond every imagining—despite exhaustive evidence to the contrary. Suppress, silence, ostracize, and demonize every individual who dares present facts that expose the false mono-narrative.
“Whip up a witches’ brew of anger, envy, and, most importantly, fear, escalating emotions to a boil so as to short-circuit our faculties of reason and logic.
“Isolate us from one another, supplant real-world interactions with virtual feuds, label nonconformists as a threat to the group, and pump the public with a disinformation campaign designed to confuse and atomize. In essence, foster a cultlike mentality that shuts down thought to guarantee assent.
“Cultivate and wield our cognitive biases—especially ingroup bias, conformity bias, and authority bias—against us in a comprehensive divide-and-conquer policy that keeps us too busy squabbling amongst ourselves to recognize and unite against those corralling us into a Matrix-like collective delusion that enables the powerful to extract our resources for their own gain.” (https://margaretannaalice.substack.com/p/a-primer-for-the-propagandized)
As to your latter point, I wholeheartedly agree that being alive and part of the Grand Awakening sweeping the planet is an exhilarating privilege, and I feel honored to be doing this work, both individually and together with people like you! 🙌
Prepare to have your mind blown: https://alicengrey.substack.com/p/source-i-made-it-up
Alicen captures brilliantly the core issue of our time: why we trust 'experts' against our own instincts and better judgement. Powerful.
Thank you for the heads-up and so glad you appreciate Alicen’s writing! It looks fascinating, and I am looking forward to reading it.
Alicen is a truly original and creative thinker. Her article on transgenderism, for example, approaches it from a perspective I have never encountered elsewhere:
• https://alicengrey.substack.com/p/so-what-do-you-think-about-trans
MAA thanks for the link (you are queen of links :) this is the best piece i've ever read on how the trans "movement" is a beta test for transhumanism
What a great comment!
Sorry this has happened to you MAA , shows your kindness and caring nature . 😘
Very sweet of you, Brandon is not your bro 😽
Thanks MAA , blessings to you and your family always . 😉🌞
🙏💗🤗
I am so sad for MAA....she is a natural empath...and having grown up with a mentally ill cousin, it
it a hard lesson to learn that some people are just not right, and not fixable...well, it takes a lot of time to learn about them, to recognize them, and to understand the best thing you can do is grey rock them...but I am so sad for all the anguish it caused her....so glad she was validated by other kind empathetic people...and look how she turned it into something valuable and shared it with us. That is so MAA.
Goodness, Duchess. That means a lot coming from you considering what a sensitive empath *you* are.
I still remember your reaction to watching the Canadian COVID Care Alliance’s “More Harm Than Good” video. You were worried about the explosive rage the deceived would feel after watching that, and I said that is a problem I would rather have than the more likelier outcome that they will never see let alone believe it (something to that effect). Sadly, my prediction turned out to be the more accurate one, although I still hold out hope for the enraged awakening phase :-)
Thank you for introducing me to the term “grey rocking.” That is precisely the technique I have been advised to practice for narcissistic abusers, stalkers, trolls, and the like, but I can’t believe I didn’t know the term for it!
😘
First, please let me say that I began reading your excellent work on LewRockwell.com some while back. It was immediately clear that you write well, Margaret Anna Alice, and that you are of a very high moral character. So I am not surprised that you have been a success. My friend Lew doesn't repeatedly post the work of people who are not worthy of the attention of the audience he has built.
Second, although "paranoia" is a reasonable diagnosis, I think you should consider the possibility that "S" may be possessed by a demon. I mention it because I am not very good at guessing games. So {"malevolent entity"} is not exactly clear. But people who start whisper campaigns often accuse others of the very things that are most significant about themselves. And demons are known to lie, flatter, focus on ego, and attack the good people they encounter.
When I first started reading this post, I was inclined to write a simple thought like "people are going crazy because the way we are being treated is insane." But the further I read, the more guided I felt by the Holy Spirit to say, "this is demonic possession."
Jim, your first paragraph about Lew was so moving, I shared it with him (I hope that’s okay :-)
I, too, feel privileged to call Lew a friend and have him to thank perhaps more than anyone else for the growth of my readership over the past couple of years. He is doing yeoman’s service in the battle for truth.
Thanks also for your provocative analysis. I do agree there is a considerable degree of projection, although *she* believes she is coming from a place of goodness and love, and so her actions—while pernicious—are motivated by her own distorted morality. Come to think of it, that’s exactly what’s occurring with Covidians 🤔
God bless you lady. Lew is a good soul doing yeoman's work showing people the truth. Thank you for letting him see my words. God loves him and God loves you. Amen.
I was close to someone who I had been in a prayer group with. She used to make a lot of YouTube videos. About being a targeted individual. She ended up slandering me and 2 other people.
Over time, the ( most of them) viewers figured out she has a pattern of being close to someone and then dropping them & accusing them of being “ the enemy “ or an “infiltrator. “
It was painful when it happened. I cried more than once. Many people who initially shied away from me are supportive again.
I’m seeing people finally realizing how a certain Leader in the medical freedom movement community is not authentic. It’s interesting to watch. & I try not to hold it against his supporters, I just point things out that show the hypocrisy.
Thank you for relaying this excruciating experience, Rosalind. I’m sorry you had to endure that and hope sharing it here will help with whatever healing your heart has left to do 💜
Thank you.
Time magnifies all things. If they are good, eventually it will become too hard to hide. If they are evil, eventually they, too, will become too hard to hide.
What a poetic statement, Laura, and it reminds me of what I wrote at Alicen’s post on paranoia/narcissism the day I learned of S’s whisper campaign:
“In the end, the truth always rises above the lies. Integrity speaks for itself, much as the (self- and otherwise)deceivers try to assail it 🙌” (https://alicengrey.substack.com/p/paranoia-or-narcissism/comment/21275964)
Oh dear. Whisper Campaigns are so destructive. Isn't this the story of the human race and why we are sooooo easy to control. We have been culturally conditioned into one very very foolish behaviour. We try to believe in people (or God or anyone or anything else). The problem is in the need to believe and to "believe in" the totality of some other being, 100%. I don't believe in any one individual. I may like someone, I may respect someone, I may enjoy their mental acuity, but I would never "believe in" that person, and I would always critique every word they say no matter how much I like them. That means that I do not need to understand everything that person does, and believe everything they say, in order to keep believing in them - because I don't believe in them. They cannot let me down because they do not owe me anything.
So I read CJ Hopkins, and Robert Malone, and David Martin even though their arrogance and anger (and litigious stupidity in the case of RM) at times offends me. They offer too much valuable insight for me to blacklist them because other people suspect them of something. I take what I want from what they are saying and discard the rest. I like some of the information from all those love and light female healer types, so I take some of what they are saying on board without having to convert to their version of "love and light". I like some of what the god bothering doctors are saying, so I take from them what is important and ignore their god bothering. I enjoy most of what Brett and Heather do even though I perceive their intellectual prison, and I find myself hugely stimulated out of my current mystical lethargy by Clif High, sexist paranoid though he is. I am able to see that all these people might have some good ideas that are valuable to the growing and developing me, WITHOUT them having to take on the status of my guru or my god head. I don't own them. They don't control me.
This is where the multiple Substack whisper campaigns, not just the one involving Margaret Anna Alice, are taking us down increasingly wasteful blind alleys. I can never know if you or anyone else is controlled opposition. And frankly, it just doesn't matter as long as I take personal responsibility for my own learning and critique every single word all of you write to ensure that what I learn conforms to my prior knowledge and my personal ethical stance. Beyond that, you are free to be whatever and whoever you want to be.
This is where Americans and lots of the rest of western culture have gone seriously off the rails. Human beings are demanding gods and gurus, and then they get to demand compliance from those apparent gods and gurus. Even the paid Substack system feeds into that, with the demand that once a person has paid for a subscription they deserve a certain rate of publication and can demand a level of intellectual compliance from their new guru. After all, that's what they have paid for.
I hope you are not some kind of double agent, and I seriously doubt you are, but I don't much care either way. When you write valuable stuff (to me) I read it. I use my intuition. I like how you feel. I have banned a few verbally violent men because I don't like how they feel - even though they may have great ideas, I simply don't like them and don't want them coming at me via my computer monitor. That's my choice. You owe me nothing. And I owe you nothing.
So let's get on with fixing this horrible mess we find ourselves in - without asking for deities in godly or human form, to fix it all for us.
Good comment.
🙌
Thank you for this incisive comment, Christine. It echoes sentiments I have often expressed, as in my responses to the knee-jerk comments on my Noam Chomsky post in the following excerpts:
“Being able to separate the words from the man is one of the characteristics that distinguishes a truth-seeking scout from a belief-defending soldier.” (https://margaretannaalice.substack.com/p/what-noam-chomsky-can-teach-us-about/comment/21216367)
And:
“If you are tempted to outright reject everything Chomsky (or anyone, even those you generally disagree with) has said simply because he has made other statements you find heinous, ask yourself if you are practicing a form of ideological Cancel Culture that prevents you from being able to find truth wherever it happens to exist.
“If you find yourself reaching for ad hominems, consider taking a step back and examining the content of his words quoted in this piece. Do you agree or disagree with what he said about free speech—why or why not?
“Those of us who are truth-seekers aim to rise above partisan divides and instead engage on the level of ideas, respectfully refuting them with logic, reason, and evidence if we disagree.
“When we find ourselves falling into the trap of attacking those we disagree with, we risk becoming like those who name-call us because they have been propagandized to fear views that counter their brainwashing.” (https://margaretannaalice.substack.com/p/what-noam-chomsky-can-teach-us-about/comment/21187891)
I'm very wary of people who come on too strong, too soon. Too friendly, too much camaraderie, too much love, too much admiration before investing the time to develop a relationship naturally.
That's different from showing a healthy respect, being gracious and even complementary.
The former sends out signals that the person doesn't have boundaries (which means you don't get to have boundaries without incurring their wrath). That's a big red flag.
Excellent points, CTD—or should I say “dots”? 😁
The distinction between the two sets of behavior is subtle but clear once you come to recognize the patterns. Several months ago, I immediately detected it in a stranger who was flattering me in a generic way while simultaneously prying for more personal details, and my intuition about his dubious intentions turned out to be spot on.
I tend to give people I consider allies the benefit of the doubt because if they are fighting tyranny and democide, that gives them bonus points right off the bat. I don’t want to go through life being paranoid and suspicious and thus cutting myself off from potentially positive relationships, though, so I will continue to balance open-heartedness with caution when the latter appears warranted by certain signals.
"Dots" works. 🤗
*complimentary
(Among the many pieces of wisdom my mother imparted to me was this pearl…”your opinion of me is none of my business!”. While that has been the single hardest piece of her advice to implement in my life, the message in many ways, is helpful. When I can’t apply that to a situation, I revert to my favorite piece of wisdom from my dad…”This too shall pass”. One way or another I always make it through.) I’m so sorry this happened to you and appreciate your sharing this with us. You may not feel this, but to those of us who read your substack, you are incredibly brave. Thank you for sharing this and I believe for you that “this too has passed”.
What a humorous and helpful piece of maternal advice, JudyC! It sounds like she had a streak of Stoicism running through her :-)
And how sagacious of you to balance that out with your dad’s reminder that “This too shall pass.”
Thank you for your heartening words, JudyC. I do indeed feel this has passed, and I am grateful to my readers for helping with this cathartic process. I hope S will soon be able to feel the same, too.
Wow. This is incredible advise your mother imparted. I'm going to have to consider it deeply. Thank you.
Wishing you the best. 🙏🌹
Edit: for anyone reading this I removed personal information about my family in the next several comments. Child trauma I'm working through. The struggle to fit in and still be myself.
That was so honest, thank you.
My mom still tries to manipulate me daily. I can relate to a lot of this.
❤❤❤🙏
I’m so sorry you went through such a nightmare, Heidi. So much of who we are is driven by our inner child and our early relationships. One thing I’ve learned over the years is that being family doesn’t give them the right to be abusive. “I love you” doesn’t make abuse ok, in any relationship. If you still have any, and I mean ANY, of these people in your life, I strongly recommend you pull away from them and try to surround yourself with those who genuinely uplift and not tear down. Toxic people have no place in your life. Don’t give up, the world is full of wonderful people, and I suspect you are one of them. The hardest thing you’ll ever do is divorce yourself from their toxicity, but it will change your life. When they lose power over you, you’ll be free. Surround yourself with a new “family”. It sounds like you’re well on your way and that’s something to be very proud of. It doesn’t make you intolerant or like them to stand your ground & push back against anyone who makes you feel threatened. You have a built in defense system, developed over many years of abuse and it’s there for a reason. Trust your instincts!
(Didn’t mean to lecture but your words really moved me. I’m 70, so I’ve seen a lot of struggles over the years and I really have learned to detest toxic people. In my own life, another quote we are all familiar with has helped me immensely…”The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”) You’ve got this!
Thank you for your kindness and encouragement Judy. 🙏
❤ That's a wonderful quote! Very applicable. 🙏
You went through a horrible experience that no one should have to deal with and managed to survive and thrive. You should be very proud of yourself…I know I am and I don’t even know you!
Many blessings, peace and love to you Judy. 🙏🌹
::Thank you for listening::
No one worth knowing wants a meek friend. You are right to demand respect from the people in your life and those you meet. First we have to respect and accept ourselves, and then we draw like minded people to us. I will say that the older I’ve gotten, the easier it gets to just not give a crap what other people think! I’m 70 but I remember clearly some of the angst I went through in my earlier years. At my age you realize time is short, and precious, and come to realize there’s just no time to waste on worthless people. I think one of the reasons I enjoy substacks like this one is because commentators have such great insights, both humorous and serious and I always gain something by reading the comments. We are a community!
🙏💞
You nailed it right at the top: “What A says about B says a lot about A and little about B.”
I have a personal mantra: It's all about me. Always.
That doesn't necessarily extend to the physical and material, but it covers the thinking, the feeling, so forth. I watch the psychopaths, the narcissists and the parasites do their thing and my mantra reminds me sometimes to stand up, sometimes to tell them to go f themselves, my response varies; that's what I mean by "about me". I choose the response. And that drops me back to "What A says...." Integrity is wholeness and that is health.
There is a big sickness, perhaps wetiko. Yes, that I see it that way is also about me. I focus on that because it's message sent <=>message received sort of thing. Clarity, clarity, clarity. Where being nice gets in the way, I might say exactly that. Once again, necessary for me, even if the Other isn't going to engage. Over the Covid era, I've left behind many so-called friends, kept a few real ones, and made new ones. Walking away is something this Hermit is good at.
I feel this so much 💜
I love your discernment, Oracle :-)
Integrity, clarity, and directness—you’re talking my language.
And yes to wetiko. It’s amazing to consider that “Koyaanisqatsi” (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0085809/) was made in 1982, and yet the cultural decay it depicts looks so innocuous and innocent by today’s standards!