In I Made a Lot of Mistakes: All Things Go, All Things Go, I recounted how a con artist defrauded me out of thousands of dollars when he bought my late beloved husband Michael’s car.
Wow…Painful to read. You are being too hard on yourself. Everything aligned against you. A painful lesson.
Interestingly enough, our entire healthcare system is the perfect illustration of the “Long-con” famously told in the 1973 hit movie by Robert Redford and Paul Newman, The Sting.
Here’s how it works:
1. The Hook
•In The Sting: The con artists establish trust by demonstrating credibility and creating intrigue.
•In Healthcare: The system gains trust through authority figures, respected institutions, and societal norms that position it as the ultimate source of knowledge and care.
2. The Set-Up
•In The Sting: A believable environment (the betting parlor) is created to make the victim feel comfortable and confident in the system.
•In Healthcare: Patients and doctors are led to believe that pharmaceuticals are the default, with chronic conditions framed as manageable only through ongoing medication.
3. The Wire
•In The Sting: The victim is convinced of a “secret” advantage (the telegraph delay) that promises guaranteed success.
•In Healthcare: The system promotes drugs as cutting-edge solutions while suppressing alternative treatments or inconvenient truths about lifestyle-based interventions.
4. The Tale
•In The Sting: The victim is emotionally invested through the promise of easy, large gains.
•In Healthcare: Patients are sold on quick fixes for complex problems, with promises of transformation through pills or procedures.
5. The Shut-Out
•In The Sting: The victim is pressured to act immediately, fearing a lost opportunity or worse outcomes.
•In Healthcare: Fear-based messaging (e.g., “If you don’t take this medication, you risk serious harm”) drives patients to start treatments without exploring alternatives.
6. The Sting
•In The Sting: The con artists execute the scam, leaving the victim with significant losses while believing the system was legitimate.
•In Healthcare: Patients are trapped in long-term dependency on medications that treat symptoms, not root causes, often requiring additional drugs to manage side effects.
7. The Blow-Off
•In The Sting: The con artists dismantle the setup and disappear, leaving the victim confused and unable to seek recourse.
•In Healthcare: The system moves on to the next patient or drug, leaving individuals unaware of how they were misled and stuck in cycles of dependency.
Summary
The healthcare system’s “long con” mirrors The Sting by exploiting trust, fear, and emotional investment to sustain a profitable cycle of dependency. Awareness of each step can empower patients to avoid falling victim and take control of their health journey.
Early this year deciding what to list my home for I received numerous realtors’ opinions. All were much much lower than what I ended up listing it for and it sold for. Actually, 55k more from the lowest estimate of one of those realtors. That is a lot of money I could have lost. Same thing with a car I sold. The dealer wanted to give me as a trade in, 4k less than the 12k I got when I sold it through Marketplace. At 67 yo, I have learned after being very naive and trusting in the past to not trust any potential sales etc. Houses and cars are big ticket items and therefore plenty of thievery goes on. None of those realtors probably felt even a morsel of guilt when they saw how much more my house sold for. So glad I didn’t listen to them.
I’m selling my house myself right now. I’ve done my research and studied (still watching them) comps. Not many showings (many agents will boycott FSBO’s), but the agent ones I’ve had had 4 out of 5 say my price is great. One was nasty, but as one YT channel says 80% of real estate agents are crap and 20% good (and she is a real estate agent). God will work it out and bring the right buyer if I’m to sell. Thankfully, I don’t have to sell my home. I am very careful of who I allow in my house. One person wanted to come see her. Her inability to write a grammatically correct sentence gave her away, but I asked if she was pre-approved/pre-qualified for a mortgage. ‘Yes, I am.” I asked her to send me a copy of the letter. The letter? It was an approval for a trailer purchase. I told her “no, thank you” and blocked her on FB
Perhaps an addition to your list. Seek a mediator to assist with every transaction of substance. Lawyers, we know, provide assistance in negotiations and transactions. However, we also have been trained, by lawyers, to know they are expensive and burdensome. What we need are an army of trained mediators that assist people in more minor but still important transactions. In ancient times, this would have been the village elder. When it came time to sell the car, you would have asked the elder to leave his tent and observe the process. Yes, we need village elders to maintain civil society. C'mon, gramps, get to work.
Thank you for this wise advice, Taming the Wolf Institute!
When Mary Poindexter McLaughlin (https://marypoindextermclaughlin.substack.com/) learned about my experience, she insisted I (re)watch the “Andy Griffith” episode about Barney buying his first car. As you’ll see in this clip, Andy plays the role of mediator/advocate for Barney:
It’s clear how valuable it is to have someone looking out for your interests when you are involved in a delicate transaction where you may be vulnerable to emotional manipulation. Unfortunately, Barney didn’t listen to Andy and thus had to learn the lesson the hard way, but he’ll certainly remember it better, as I well know :-)
Your story resonates 100% for me although I don't remember a con. I assume everyone has the same best intentions I have and it's only in the past few years that I've realized that's just not the case. Being an empath can be harmful to us at times. It's difficult to think in terms of "This person might not be authentic." It's a tough lesson. I love Little Miss Sunshine ☀️❤️
I worked for a 'music producer', he had two teenage boys, lived in a very expensive neighbourhood, had a lovely dog, etc....And, after a time paid me my final check on a closed account. I drove to his home, empty. I called one of his so-called business associates who revealed to me I had been working for an arch swindler, who targeted women. All the records on his wall, fake, the house was leased, and he used an alias. He conned this man's wife out of their life savings. It was a very sophisticated and convincing operation. The day I went for the interview, he seemed calm and relatively nice, and I got the job. I sat in my car, and I thought I felt he was evil, then I talked myself out of it, telling myself I was paranoid, this person did nothing to make me believe that. My gut knew though.
What a brilliant encapsulation of the dynamics of the swindle, Red Pill Poet. Thank you for sharing this excellent complement to this essay. Although the lesson is painful, it is required if we wish to defend ourselves against the devious, deceitful, and duping.
We all need reminders. You now have a visceral reminder you won't soon forget; and yet it's always there, the desire to believe in the goodness of others always tugging on our coat, imploring us to trust ... just trust. And that's why we're ALL vulnerable, to varying degrees.
The interesting thing is that someone like you, whose work deals so much with the anatomy and dynamics of deception (as does mine), would fall victim. I would suggest that this illustrates the difference between “book smart” and “street smart”. Which is to say, that you can know all the theory in the world, but unless experience has rewired your system to instinctively recognize attempts at confidence trickery upon your person, you will remain far more vulnerable than you might imagine and wish. You are now, officially, rather more street smart.
Of course the tragedy of all this despicable hucksterism, is the diminishment of our trust in fellow humans.
Needless to say, you have my condolences. It's such a feeling of violation and betrayal!
unfortunately you have to live and learn, not get stuck on the last mistake or you will never use what you learned to move forward! It is a savage world out there and you have to be ready to face it !
The door is there for one main purpose: to be opened and to enable exchange of the outer (the world) with the inner (the household). Answering the door is a step to fulfill this principle because, who knows…
If you are obsessed with threats from all directions, you don’t need doors, you want a castle. Unless you live in a neighborhood - but then you are in an urgent need to make your house a castle anyway.
Answering the door was not a mistake. The lack of tactics to be applied was the mistake. Or the temporary loosening down of the guard. Or both.
I like the detailed analysis, step by step, of what happened and how it contributed to the outcome. Brilliant. Ok, it’s after the fact, so a bit late. So what? Things happen. If you apply this method to small daily things, you will become proficient and your analysis of the situations at hand will be faster and more efficient.
Writing down of all these items, one by one, is another great win from this situation. In this way, unfinished emotions are drained down to the paper/screen, and potential mental blocks are dissolved. Plus, the identification with the situation has been disarmed. Excellent.
As one who's experienced my share of cons, as well as the guilt for making it possible, and is, therefore, to this day unsure if I won't fall for another, the line in your article about remembering that we too deserve respect for our sacred boundaries, seems to be my best hope -- if pity or the perceived need at that moment to remember my manners, don't make me forget it. So simple to write and say, but, under pressure, so easily forgotten.
Hi Eve, thank you for your comment, I have just returned from traveling and wanted to reply to you as soon as I could. I am so glad the idea of deserving your own boundaries resonates with you. You are right, if I had to choose one word that sums it up, it would be “boundaries”.
I am so sorry this has happened to you repeatedly, that is truly unfair and would erode anyone’s boundaries after a while. It can be exhausting to be ever vigilant, the uncertainty if it will happen again. Your comment got me thinking about what some of the turning points were for me to end the cycle, as well as what I have seen in my practice, so I thought I’d share a little more, in case it’s helpful to you or other readers here who have had similar experiences.
A big one was when I realized that I don’t have to explain my reasons for saying “No, thank you.” (Easier said than done!) I had to practice. A lot. If I am uncomfortable, that is enough. And, it usually means the other person is doing something to make me uncomfortable, (either intentionally or not) by assuming that the entire transaction revolves around them getting what they want from me, with no regard for how it is making me feel. People with good boundaries will respect a “No”, and will also only want the transaction to be beneficial for both parties. I shopped once at a second-hand designer clothing store, and the shop owner was insistent that she did not want her customers to buy anything unless they absolutely loved it. She would even say, “Nope, put that back, you’re staring at yourself in the mirror too long, trying to convince yourself that you like it. If it's not an immediate yes, then it’s a no. It will sit in your closet, and you’ll never wear it.” She didn’t push to make the sale. It had to be right for her customers too. (Side note: I use her clothes shopping advice to this day!)
And in the beginning, saying “No” when we are uncomfortable will usually bring up the all too familiar, agonizing mental gymnastics of trying to figure out if the other person is telling the truth, or if they will truly suffer if we turn them down. (Ohhh Gawwwwddddd, this one used to really get me! Con artists know this, and count on it. And people who are not con artists but have poor boundaries don’t do it on purpose, but it still becomes part of the unconscious hook anyway.)
But here’s the thing: consider that if you are uncomfortable in any way, there is no need for further investigation. It doesn’t matter if the other person is telling the truth. If it doesn’t feel right to you, then it’s not right for either of you. This is a game changer. I liken it to how the heroic people who rehabilitate abused dogs respond to the dog’s level of discomfort. If the animal is shaking in terror, they back up, they don’t insist, and they give the dog plenty of space and time. They do not rush in to convince the dog to be close. It’s not the animal’s job, whose radar has been systematically violated, to have to figure out whether the handler is friend or foe. It’s the trainer’s job to go at the pace that the dog’s nervous system can handle. A little at a time. And that’s when the most miraculous transformations take place. If someone is pushy, even if they are not a crook, it’s still on them to realize that they are making you feel uncomfortable. And if they don’t, you have every right to step aside and give your nervous system the breathing room that they are either unable or unwilling to do. Saying “Not now, maybe later” can give you enough space to figure out how you really feel.
For me, it was a new concept to consider that A) I did not ever have to give from an empty well, B) that my well was in fact empty, and C) that it was empty because it was being siphoned. And the discomfort was my warning sign that I didn’t have the thing to give that was being asked of me, regardless of whether the person was honest or not.
Many of us were taught at a young age that saying “No” to someone was hurtful, mean, cruel, worthy of punishment. But if “No” cuts the cords that would suck you dry, then it can be the kindest word of all.
Hope this helps a little. Sending you good wishes, a soft shawl over your shoulder, and a nice ‘n slow cup of “You Can Take Your Time” tea. ☕🌿
Your comment is so exceptionally wise, Cynthia, I wish I had time to respond to every bit of it in detail, but this part alone deserves to be shouted from the rooftops as it is *exactly* how con artists/politicians/governments/organizations/corporations/narcissistic abusers manipulate and coerce well-meaning people into violating their intuition:
“consider that if you are uncomfortable in any way, there is no need for further investigation. It doesn’t matter if the other person is telling the truth. If it doesn’t feel right to you, then it’s not right for either of you.”
I also applaud your beautiful celebration of NO as I believe that is our greatest superpower and defense against tyranny, and it is why I have made it the bedrock of my Substack since its inception:
Thank you, Margaret, for having shared your painful experience at such a vulnerable point in your life.
I hope that sooner rather than later it will turn out to have been, not a stand alone, but a pre-payment, if you will, to some great rewarding good that is coming your way.
boundaries don’t do it on purpose, but it still becomes part of the unconscious hook anyway.)
But here’s the thing: consider that if you are uncomfortable in any way, there is no need for further investigation. It doesn’t matter if the other person is telling the truth. If it doesn’t feel right to you, then it’s not right for either of you. This is a game changer. I liken it to how the heroic people who rehabilitate abused dogs respond to the dog’s level of discomfort. If the animal is shaking in terror, they back up, they don’t insist, and they give the dog plenty of space and time. They do not rush in to convince the dog to be close. It’s not the animal’s job, whose radar has been systematically violated, to have to figure out whether the handler is friend or foe. It’s the trainer’s job to go at the pace that the dog’s nervous system can handle. A little at a time. And that’s when the most miraculous transformations take place. If someone is pushy, even if they are not a crook, it’s still on them to realize that they are making you feel uncomfortable. And if they don’t, you have every right to step aside and give your nervous system the breathing room that they are either unable or unwilling to do. Saying “Not now, maybe later” can give enough space to figure out how you really feel.
For me, it was a new concept to consider that A) I did not ever have to give from an empty well, B) that my well was in fact empty, and C) that it was empty because it was being siphoned. And the discomfort was my warning sign that I didn’t have the thing to give that was being asked of me, regardless of whether the person was honest or not.
Many of us were taught at a young age that saying “No” to someone was hurtful, mean, cruel, worthy of punishment. But if “No” cuts the cords that would suck you dry, then it can be the kindest word of all.
Hope this helps a little. Sending you good wishes, a soft shawl over your shoulder, and a nice ‘n slow cup of “Take Your Time” tea. ☕🌿
Hi Copernicus, you're welcome, and yes, so true! And thank you for letting me know that you printed this out... it is so fulfilling to me to know that I could help in this way.
Wow, Cynthia, now you've given me more absolutely necessary rules to remember that are easier said than done, which I'm printing and laying down in the center of my desk, so I'll see them every single time I'm at my desk, until they finally become engraved in my head and, also importantly, in my heart.
Ever since early adulthood, working with, and for, extremely nasty people, where the choice to just say 'no' to boundary breaching was an option only if I wanted to be pounding the pavement again, so to speak, in search of another job, I had to choose between becoming them as a means of self-defense (and then, I knew instinctively, my whole world would change to one where all the good was gone from it), or don't forget to be kind if I'm not sure what the other person's intentions are.
I'm glad I chose kindness, but I had forgotten, until I read your response just now, that I can be kind AND retain the right to my boundaries, so that I don't have to explain a 'no' to anyone and that, wow, I do indeed have a right to say 'no' without having to explain. Also important, as so many of the reminders here are, good people, like the good dog trainers, will understand, the corollary being that those that seem hurt by it, well, let them examine THEIR motives for feeling entitled to something that I don't feel comfortable giving.
Yes, your response does help very much and many thanks for it.
Precisely. You got it, and I also appreciate how you said that you need to give yourself time to integrate this so that you can also feel it in your heart, not just your head. Emotional violations leave a residue, so to speak, an actual wound that the body holds, and it needs time to transmute. I am so glad my words will be your desk companion now, thank you for letting me know that.
MAA, my nephew at 17 recently bought a truck and was scammed the other way. A few days after paying $16k for a used truck only to find out the transmission is bad. They took it back to the dealer who offered to sell them post-purchase a warranty and then he would be allowed to make a claim against this warranty. The dealer refused to take the truck back, so now my nephew is forced to pay an additional $5,000 for a used transmission (new would be even more) however my hope is that one day he is able to rise bc of this experience and the fraudulent car dealer suffers for his behavior. The family can only conclude that the dealer disconnected the batter to reset the check engine lights so they wouldn’t come on for awhile.
I wish you the same and that you are blessed in your innocence and that the fraudster suffers for his evil heart.
Oh my goodness, that is awful!! I am so sorry your nephew had to go through that and can only hope the dealer will get their comeuppance (maybe your nephew can leave an online review about his experience in key places). I hope the truck turns out to be reliable now that the transmission has been replaced, too.
Totally agree with Vera’s analysis of evil and people really being able to grasp it and believe it is a very real thing in our world. I think (besides years of conditioning for it) that is why it hasn’t taken people so long to wake up from the COVID con and those that still refuse to accept the truth. If they did, they would have to admit to themselves that Satan and evil are very, very real. They prefer to live in their cocooned “safe” world. I’ve seen it in my church work over the past 40 plus years. People sat silent while evil happened. People sit silent while heresy is preached. People sat silent during the jab introduction (“love they neighbor.”)
Yes ! And how many folks made all these mistakes about the Covid-CON$, or at least the critical CONS, about Operation WarpED Speed and its undisclosed TOXIC
v🪓ccines’ ingredients ! ?
… by NOT asking questions nor following real-brain intuitions in the midst of orchestrated gaslighting from the ‘trusted,’ IMproper-ganda mainstream newZzzz pushing the PCR Tests FRAUD ! ?
I think most of us have been conned at some point in our lives. Maybe not by a real large con, but adding up all the smaller rip-offs and you get a bundle of lost money. Most marketing is a con game of mental brutality. And just about everything you see is marketed in some way. I try and ignore many things these days...the MSM, TV, all ads, the DC Swamp, the phone calls, the doctors, and many others.
Dear Margaret Anna Alice, May the LORD wrap His Loving Arms around You and Pour out His Love & Comforting Grace to Bring You Peace. 💯% ❤️
Know that those who live this Material Life in this manner will have consequences in their next life, which is Eternal. They’ve used Your Compassion, Love & Ethical Morality against You. These are the Things we as your subscribers have come to Know & Love about You. To trade your Loving Soul for the "Love of Money" is their reversal of the True Golden Rule. They instead Live by "He who owns the Gold, makes the Rules".
I believe either place one spends Eternity won't take Cash, Credit, Charge or Crypto. One where an AC won't be needed the other not allowed or even available for purchase.
Is this not similar to the Globalist Lies, Deceptions and Tyranny we’ve been living through since 2019...? Unforgiveness can create a poison that we consume but those who have wronged us will never know. So instead place it into the Lords hands, Vengeance is His...we forgive so to not consume the poison of hate, not to reconcile but instead it allows God to act because he is Loving but also Just God, Amen.
Hebrews 10:30
For we know Him who said, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. And again, “The Lord will judge His people.”
Romans 12:19
Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord.
Deuteronomy 32:35
Vengeance is Mine, and recompense; Their foot shall slip in due time; For the day of their calamity is at hand, And the things to come hasten upon them.’
Aloha, Love & Hugs from the islands, kyle
even though a Senior, Disabled, Medicare & on Social Security you can expect another check in the mail...
Wow…Painful to read. You are being too hard on yourself. Everything aligned against you. A painful lesson.
Interestingly enough, our entire healthcare system is the perfect illustration of the “Long-con” famously told in the 1973 hit movie by Robert Redford and Paul Newman, The Sting.
Here’s how it works:
1. The Hook
•In The Sting: The con artists establish trust by demonstrating credibility and creating intrigue.
•In Healthcare: The system gains trust through authority figures, respected institutions, and societal norms that position it as the ultimate source of knowledge and care.
2. The Set-Up
•In The Sting: A believable environment (the betting parlor) is created to make the victim feel comfortable and confident in the system.
•In Healthcare: Patients and doctors are led to believe that pharmaceuticals are the default, with chronic conditions framed as manageable only through ongoing medication.
3. The Wire
•In The Sting: The victim is convinced of a “secret” advantage (the telegraph delay) that promises guaranteed success.
•In Healthcare: The system promotes drugs as cutting-edge solutions while suppressing alternative treatments or inconvenient truths about lifestyle-based interventions.
4. The Tale
•In The Sting: The victim is emotionally invested through the promise of easy, large gains.
•In Healthcare: Patients are sold on quick fixes for complex problems, with promises of transformation through pills or procedures.
5. The Shut-Out
•In The Sting: The victim is pressured to act immediately, fearing a lost opportunity or worse outcomes.
•In Healthcare: Fear-based messaging (e.g., “If you don’t take this medication, you risk serious harm”) drives patients to start treatments without exploring alternatives.
6. The Sting
•In The Sting: The con artists execute the scam, leaving the victim with significant losses while believing the system was legitimate.
•In Healthcare: Patients are trapped in long-term dependency on medications that treat symptoms, not root causes, often requiring additional drugs to manage side effects.
7. The Blow-Off
•In The Sting: The con artists dismantle the setup and disappear, leaving the victim confused and unable to seek recourse.
•In Healthcare: The system moves on to the next patient or drug, leaving individuals unaware of how they were misled and stuck in cycles of dependency.
Summary
The healthcare system’s “long con” mirrors The Sting by exploiting trust, fear, and emotional investment to sustain a profitable cycle of dependency. Awareness of each step can empower patients to avoid falling victim and take control of their health journey.
Actually, that fits our government to a tee. Loved that movie and still do.
Excelent comparison, thank you.
Well spotted! The comparison never occured to me - a perfect example.
The long-con is so effective because those who are conned don’t know they were conned, so the con’s can continue indefinitely!
Early this year deciding what to list my home for I received numerous realtors’ opinions. All were much much lower than what I ended up listing it for and it sold for. Actually, 55k more from the lowest estimate of one of those realtors. That is a lot of money I could have lost. Same thing with a car I sold. The dealer wanted to give me as a trade in, 4k less than the 12k I got when I sold it through Marketplace. At 67 yo, I have learned after being very naive and trusting in the past to not trust any potential sales etc. Houses and cars are big ticket items and therefore plenty of thievery goes on. None of those realtors probably felt even a morsel of guilt when they saw how much more my house sold for. So glad I didn’t listen to them.
I’m selling my house myself right now. I’ve done my research and studied (still watching them) comps. Not many showings (many agents will boycott FSBO’s), but the agent ones I’ve had had 4 out of 5 say my price is great. One was nasty, but as one YT channel says 80% of real estate agents are crap and 20% good (and she is a real estate agent). God will work it out and bring the right buyer if I’m to sell. Thankfully, I don’t have to sell my home. I am very careful of who I allow in my house. One person wanted to come see her. Her inability to write a grammatically correct sentence gave her away, but I asked if she was pre-approved/pre-qualified for a mortgage. ‘Yes, I am.” I asked her to send me a copy of the letter. The letter? It was an approval for a trailer purchase. I told her “no, thank you” and blocked her on FB
Perhaps an addition to your list. Seek a mediator to assist with every transaction of substance. Lawyers, we know, provide assistance in negotiations and transactions. However, we also have been trained, by lawyers, to know they are expensive and burdensome. What we need are an army of trained mediators that assist people in more minor but still important transactions. In ancient times, this would have been the village elder. When it came time to sell the car, you would have asked the elder to leave his tent and observe the process. Yes, we need village elders to maintain civil society. C'mon, gramps, get to work.
Thank you for this wise advice, Taming the Wolf Institute!
When Mary Poindexter McLaughlin (https://marypoindextermclaughlin.substack.com/) learned about my experience, she insisted I (re)watch the “Andy Griffith” episode about Barney buying his first car. As you’ll see in this clip, Andy plays the role of mediator/advocate for Barney:
• https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSMvwNxs1-4
It’s clear how valuable it is to have someone looking out for your interests when you are involved in a delicate transaction where you may be vulnerable to emotional manipulation. Unfortunately, Barney didn’t listen to Andy and thus had to learn the lesson the hard way, but he’ll certainly remember it better, as I well know :-)
Your story resonates 100% for me although I don't remember a con. I assume everyone has the same best intentions I have and it's only in the past few years that I've realized that's just not the case. Being an empath can be harmful to us at times. It's difficult to think in terms of "This person might not be authentic." It's a tough lesson. I love Little Miss Sunshine ☀️❤️
I worked for a 'music producer', he had two teenage boys, lived in a very expensive neighbourhood, had a lovely dog, etc....And, after a time paid me my final check on a closed account. I drove to his home, empty. I called one of his so-called business associates who revealed to me I had been working for an arch swindler, who targeted women. All the records on his wall, fake, the house was leased, and he used an alias. He conned this man's wife out of their life savings. It was a very sophisticated and convincing operation. The day I went for the interview, he seemed calm and relatively nice, and I got the job. I sat in my car, and I thought I felt he was evil, then I talked myself out of it, telling myself I was paranoid, this person did nothing to make me believe that. My gut knew though.
Always, always, always go with your gut.
Sad ... a story as old as man ... https://redpillpoems.substack.com/p/it-takes-two
What a brilliant encapsulation of the dynamics of the swindle, Red Pill Poet. Thank you for sharing this excellent complement to this essay. Although the lesson is painful, it is required if we wish to defend ourselves against the devious, deceitful, and duping.
We all need reminders. You now have a visceral reminder you won't soon forget; and yet it's always there, the desire to believe in the goodness of others always tugging on our coat, imploring us to trust ... just trust. And that's why we're ALL vulnerable, to varying degrees.
The interesting thing is that someone like you, whose work deals so much with the anatomy and dynamics of deception (as does mine), would fall victim. I would suggest that this illustrates the difference between “book smart” and “street smart”. Which is to say, that you can know all the theory in the world, but unless experience has rewired your system to instinctively recognize attempts at confidence trickery upon your person, you will remain far more vulnerable than you might imagine and wish. You are now, officially, rather more street smart.
Of course the tragedy of all this despicable hucksterism, is the diminishment of our trust in fellow humans.
Needless to say, you have my condolences. It's such a feeling of violation and betrayal!
unfortunately you have to live and learn, not get stuck on the last mistake or you will never use what you learned to move forward! It is a savage world out there and you have to be ready to face it !
I feel you MAA , blessings to you . At 67 , I finally realized there is so much predatory behavior in the times we are living in. 🥲
“Mistake # 1”: I answered the door.
The door is there for one main purpose: to be opened and to enable exchange of the outer (the world) with the inner (the household). Answering the door is a step to fulfill this principle because, who knows…
If you are obsessed with threats from all directions, you don’t need doors, you want a castle. Unless you live in a neighborhood - but then you are in an urgent need to make your house a castle anyway.
Answering the door was not a mistake. The lack of tactics to be applied was the mistake. Or the temporary loosening down of the guard. Or both.
I like the detailed analysis, step by step, of what happened and how it contributed to the outcome. Brilliant. Ok, it’s after the fact, so a bit late. So what? Things happen. If you apply this method to small daily things, you will become proficient and your analysis of the situations at hand will be faster and more efficient.
Writing down of all these items, one by one, is another great win from this situation. In this way, unfinished emotions are drained down to the paper/screen, and potential mental blocks are dissolved. Plus, the identification with the situation has been disarmed. Excellent.
As one who's experienced my share of cons, as well as the guilt for making it possible, and is, therefore, to this day unsure if I won't fall for another, the line in your article about remembering that we too deserve respect for our sacred boundaries, seems to be my best hope -- if pity or the perceived need at that moment to remember my manners, don't make me forget it. So simple to write and say, but, under pressure, so easily forgotten.
Hi Eve, thank you for your comment, I have just returned from traveling and wanted to reply to you as soon as I could. I am so glad the idea of deserving your own boundaries resonates with you. You are right, if I had to choose one word that sums it up, it would be “boundaries”.
I am so sorry this has happened to you repeatedly, that is truly unfair and would erode anyone’s boundaries after a while. It can be exhausting to be ever vigilant, the uncertainty if it will happen again. Your comment got me thinking about what some of the turning points were for me to end the cycle, as well as what I have seen in my practice, so I thought I’d share a little more, in case it’s helpful to you or other readers here who have had similar experiences.
A big one was when I realized that I don’t have to explain my reasons for saying “No, thank you.” (Easier said than done!) I had to practice. A lot. If I am uncomfortable, that is enough. And, it usually means the other person is doing something to make me uncomfortable, (either intentionally or not) by assuming that the entire transaction revolves around them getting what they want from me, with no regard for how it is making me feel. People with good boundaries will respect a “No”, and will also only want the transaction to be beneficial for both parties. I shopped once at a second-hand designer clothing store, and the shop owner was insistent that she did not want her customers to buy anything unless they absolutely loved it. She would even say, “Nope, put that back, you’re staring at yourself in the mirror too long, trying to convince yourself that you like it. If it's not an immediate yes, then it’s a no. It will sit in your closet, and you’ll never wear it.” She didn’t push to make the sale. It had to be right for her customers too. (Side note: I use her clothes shopping advice to this day!)
And in the beginning, saying “No” when we are uncomfortable will usually bring up the all too familiar, agonizing mental gymnastics of trying to figure out if the other person is telling the truth, or if they will truly suffer if we turn them down. (Ohhh Gawwwwddddd, this one used to really get me! Con artists know this, and count on it. And people who are not con artists but have poor boundaries don’t do it on purpose, but it still becomes part of the unconscious hook anyway.)
But here’s the thing: consider that if you are uncomfortable in any way, there is no need for further investigation. It doesn’t matter if the other person is telling the truth. If it doesn’t feel right to you, then it’s not right for either of you. This is a game changer. I liken it to how the heroic people who rehabilitate abused dogs respond to the dog’s level of discomfort. If the animal is shaking in terror, they back up, they don’t insist, and they give the dog plenty of space and time. They do not rush in to convince the dog to be close. It’s not the animal’s job, whose radar has been systematically violated, to have to figure out whether the handler is friend or foe. It’s the trainer’s job to go at the pace that the dog’s nervous system can handle. A little at a time. And that’s when the most miraculous transformations take place. If someone is pushy, even if they are not a crook, it’s still on them to realize that they are making you feel uncomfortable. And if they don’t, you have every right to step aside and give your nervous system the breathing room that they are either unable or unwilling to do. Saying “Not now, maybe later” can give you enough space to figure out how you really feel.
For me, it was a new concept to consider that A) I did not ever have to give from an empty well, B) that my well was in fact empty, and C) that it was empty because it was being siphoned. And the discomfort was my warning sign that I didn’t have the thing to give that was being asked of me, regardless of whether the person was honest or not.
Many of us were taught at a young age that saying “No” to someone was hurtful, mean, cruel, worthy of punishment. But if “No” cuts the cords that would suck you dry, then it can be the kindest word of all.
Hope this helps a little. Sending you good wishes, a soft shawl over your shoulder, and a nice ‘n slow cup of “You Can Take Your Time” tea. ☕🌿
Your comment is so exceptionally wise, Cynthia, I wish I had time to respond to every bit of it in detail, but this part alone deserves to be shouted from the rooftops as it is *exactly* how con artists/politicians/governments/organizations/corporations/narcissistic abusers manipulate and coerce well-meaning people into violating their intuition:
“consider that if you are uncomfortable in any way, there is no need for further investigation. It doesn’t matter if the other person is telling the truth. If it doesn’t feel right to you, then it’s not right for either of you.”
I also applaud your beautiful celebration of NO as I believe that is our greatest superpower and defense against tyranny, and it is why I have made it the bedrock of my Substack since its inception:
• https://margaretannaalice.substack.com/p/covid-is-over-if-you-want-it
• https://margaretannaalice.substack.com/i/94122656/become-ungovernable
• https://margaretannaalice.substack.com/p/the-politics-of-disobedience-just
• https://margaretannaalice.substack.com/p/memes-by-themes-17-cats
Thank you Margaret, I appreciate this so much 🙏
Thank you, Margaret, for having shared your painful experience at such a vulnerable point in your life.
I hope that sooner rather than later it will turn out to have been, not a stand alone, but a pre-payment, if you will, to some great rewarding good that is coming your way.
boundaries don’t do it on purpose, but it still becomes part of the unconscious hook anyway.)
But here’s the thing: consider that if you are uncomfortable in any way, there is no need for further investigation. It doesn’t matter if the other person is telling the truth. If it doesn’t feel right to you, then it’s not right for either of you. This is a game changer. I liken it to how the heroic people who rehabilitate abused dogs respond to the dog’s level of discomfort. If the animal is shaking in terror, they back up, they don’t insist, and they give the dog plenty of space and time. They do not rush in to convince the dog to be close. It’s not the animal’s job, whose radar has been systematically violated, to have to figure out whether the handler is friend or foe. It’s the trainer’s job to go at the pace that the dog’s nervous system can handle. A little at a time. And that’s when the most miraculous transformations take place. If someone is pushy, even if they are not a crook, it’s still on them to realize that they are making you feel uncomfortable. And if they don’t, you have every right to step aside and give your nervous system the breathing room that they are either unable or unwilling to do. Saying “Not now, maybe later” can give enough space to figure out how you really feel.
For me, it was a new concept to consider that A) I did not ever have to give from an empty well, B) that my well was in fact empty, and C) that it was empty because it was being siphoned. And the discomfort was my warning sign that I didn’t have the thing to give that was being asked of me, regardless of whether the person was honest or not.
Many of us were taught at a young age that saying “No” to someone was hurtful, mean, cruel, worthy of punishment. But if “No” cuts the cords that would suck you dry, then it can be the kindest word of all.
Hope this helps a little. Sending you good wishes, a soft shawl over your shoulder, and a nice ‘n slow cup of “Take Your Time” tea. ☕🌿
Cynthia, this is all so well articulated. I’ve copied for my own future reference.
I especially appreciate the description of giving from a well, and if it's not there to give, it simply isn't there.
Thanks.
Hi Copernicus, you're welcome, and yes, so true! And thank you for letting me know that you printed this out... it is so fulfilling to me to know that I could help in this way.
Wow, Cynthia, now you've given me more absolutely necessary rules to remember that are easier said than done, which I'm printing and laying down in the center of my desk, so I'll see them every single time I'm at my desk, until they finally become engraved in my head and, also importantly, in my heart.
Ever since early adulthood, working with, and for, extremely nasty people, where the choice to just say 'no' to boundary breaching was an option only if I wanted to be pounding the pavement again, so to speak, in search of another job, I had to choose between becoming them as a means of self-defense (and then, I knew instinctively, my whole world would change to one where all the good was gone from it), or don't forget to be kind if I'm not sure what the other person's intentions are.
I'm glad I chose kindness, but I had forgotten, until I read your response just now, that I can be kind AND retain the right to my boundaries, so that I don't have to explain a 'no' to anyone and that, wow, I do indeed have a right to say 'no' without having to explain. Also important, as so many of the reminders here are, good people, like the good dog trainers, will understand, the corollary being that those that seem hurt by it, well, let them examine THEIR motives for feeling entitled to something that I don't feel comfortable giving.
Yes, your response does help very much and many thanks for it.
Precisely. You got it, and I also appreciate how you said that you need to give yourself time to integrate this so that you can also feel it in your heart, not just your head. Emotional violations leave a residue, so to speak, an actual wound that the body holds, and it needs time to transmute. I am so glad my words will be your desk companion now, thank you for letting me know that.
Also possibly he saw that the car hadn’t been used for some time and deduced that you were a widow
MAA, my nephew at 17 recently bought a truck and was scammed the other way. A few days after paying $16k for a used truck only to find out the transmission is bad. They took it back to the dealer who offered to sell them post-purchase a warranty and then he would be allowed to make a claim against this warranty. The dealer refused to take the truck back, so now my nephew is forced to pay an additional $5,000 for a used transmission (new would be even more) however my hope is that one day he is able to rise bc of this experience and the fraudulent car dealer suffers for his behavior. The family can only conclude that the dealer disconnected the batter to reset the check engine lights so they wouldn’t come on for awhile.
I wish you the same and that you are blessed in your innocence and that the fraudster suffers for his evil heart.
Oh my goodness, that is awful!! I am so sorry your nephew had to go through that and can only hope the dealer will get their comeuppance (maybe your nephew can leave an online review about his experience in key places). I hope the truck turns out to be reliable now that the transmission has been replaced, too.
Totally agree with Vera’s analysis of evil and people really being able to grasp it and believe it is a very real thing in our world. I think (besides years of conditioning for it) that is why it hasn’t taken people so long to wake up from the COVID con and those that still refuse to accept the truth. If they did, they would have to admit to themselves that Satan and evil are very, very real. They prefer to live in their cocooned “safe” world. I’ve seen it in my church work over the past 40 plus years. People sat silent while evil happened. People sit silent while heresy is preached. People sat silent during the jab introduction (“love they neighbor.”)
We all get burned Margaret. Thanks for the examples. I am no exception. Blessings. Kman, editor, DIGILEAK News Not Noise, Bitchute Channel
Yes ! And how many folks made all these mistakes about the Covid-CON$, or at least the critical CONS, about Operation WarpED Speed and its undisclosed TOXIC
v🪓ccines’ ingredients ! ?
… by NOT asking questions nor following real-brain intuitions in the midst of orchestrated gaslighting from the ‘trusted,’ IMproper-ganda mainstream newZzzz pushing the PCR Tests FRAUD ! ?
https://jonfleetwood.substack.com/p/doctor-gets-covid-gag-order-the-sally?r=4d77k2&utm_medium=ios&utm_campaign=audio-player
I think most of us have been conned at some point in our lives. Maybe not by a real large con, but adding up all the smaller rip-offs and you get a bundle of lost money. Most marketing is a con game of mental brutality. And just about everything you see is marketed in some way. I try and ignore many things these days...the MSM, TV, all ads, the DC Swamp, the phone calls, the doctors, and many others.
Dear Margaret Anna Alice, May the LORD wrap His Loving Arms around You and Pour out His Love & Comforting Grace to Bring You Peace. 💯% ❤️
Know that those who live this Material Life in this manner will have consequences in their next life, which is Eternal. They’ve used Your Compassion, Love & Ethical Morality against You. These are the Things we as your subscribers have come to Know & Love about You. To trade your Loving Soul for the "Love of Money" is their reversal of the True Golden Rule. They instead Live by "He who owns the Gold, makes the Rules".
I believe either place one spends Eternity won't take Cash, Credit, Charge or Crypto. One where an AC won't be needed the other not allowed or even available for purchase.
Is this not similar to the Globalist Lies, Deceptions and Tyranny we’ve been living through since 2019...? Unforgiveness can create a poison that we consume but those who have wronged us will never know. So instead place it into the Lords hands, Vengeance is His...we forgive so to not consume the poison of hate, not to reconcile but instead it allows God to act because he is Loving but also Just God, Amen.
Hebrews 10:30
For we know Him who said, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. And again, “The Lord will judge His people.”
Romans 12:19
Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord.
Deuteronomy 32:35
Vengeance is Mine, and recompense; Their foot shall slip in due time; For the day of their calamity is at hand, And the things to come hasten upon them.’
Aloha, Love & Hugs from the islands, kyle
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