Memes by Themes #25: Taxes
“A government which lays taxes on the people not required by urgent public necessity and sound public policy is not a protector of liberty, but an instrument of tyranny. It condemns the citizen to servitude. One of the first signs of the breaking down of free government is a disregard by the taxing power of the right of the people to their own property. It makes little difference whether such a condition is brought about through the will of a dictator, through the power of a military force, or through the pressure of an organized minority. The result is the same.”
—Calvin Coolidge, Address at the Seventh Regular Meeting of the Business Organization of the Government, June 30, 1924
If you’re a US citizen, you know April 15 is the day the illiberal protection racket that usurped our constitutional republic in 1913 commands that you proffer your annual sacrifice to retain the illusion of your freedom.
In typical rules-for-thee fashion, the demand for financial transparency stops at the threshold of power, so the agencies and politicians issuing the threats can cloak the ways in which they (ab)use the filched funds.
When double-digit trillions vanish, it’s a giant oopsie no one bothers to investigate much less prosecute—nor can you legally do so now thanks to the FASAB Statement of Federal Financial Accounting Standards 56. But don’t talk about it or you’ll be stamped a far-right–wing extremist Nazi fascist conspiracy freak.
On a lighter note, every tax season, Michael and I used to have a tradition of playing the first episode of Black Books, our favorite Britcom until 15 Storeys High edged it out.
In one of the several trillion ways Michael made me laugh hysterically over our nearly thirty-two years of marriage, he surprised me on March 25, 2015, by transcribing a portion of it and emailing it to me [I left it run together and with typos to keep it faithful to the original]:
What!? What does that mean? Now What!? If you live in a council flat beside a river but are not … blind. What!? What is your mother’s maiden name. What’d her first name? I just knew her as Ma. Ma! That’ll have to do. Ma. Possibly deceased. Did your non-returnable outgoings for the first half of the year exceed your deductions for quarterly VAT return … Right. That’s all my socks paired. Back to the accounts. Okay. Did your non-returnable outgoings for the first half of the year exceed your deductions for quarterly VAT return. [dials phone] Hello, Ma? It’s Bernard. No, nothing’s wrong. Come on. I don’t need an excuse to call my mother, do I? [11 seconds later] I know-I am. Yeah-I know. Yes-yes. Yes, I will. I know. Yes. Yes! I know. Yeah … Oka … Yea … Goodbye! I’ve got to do my taxes! Did your non-returnable outgoings for the first half of the year [knock knock knock knock] Oh thank Christ. [answers door] Yes? Hello. We were wondering if we could talk to you about Je-sus? Great! Come in. Wha-what? I’d love to hear about Jesus. What’s he up to now? Come on in. Come on. Ah-I mean. Are you sure? Yes! In-in come in. It’s a trick! It’s just, generally, people don’t say yes. Well I’m not people. Come one in! Let’s talk beliefs.
I encourage you to watch the episode in honor of Michael, perhaps making it an annual tradition to leaven future tax seasons. May the following memes help, too.
